5 things i hate about having a baby

 

I’m aware I’ve become quite the baby bore on this blog, but you’ll have to indulge me.  I’m over my due date with my final baby, so my mind is totally one-track just now.  I seem to be fueled by biscuits at the moment too, so I’m not exactly living the healthy dream…I’d be a major hypocrite if I wrote about health just now.

The main stops on my single track are the birth, wondering just how squishy baby boys cheeks will be and the fear of broken sleep.  But there are some minor stops that I pause at now and again, and recently one of these was flashbacks to some of the things that really twisted my over-inflated melons when my older boys were babies.

So as I’m struggling to put together coherent sentences right now, how about a list – what sucks about having a baby?

 

  • Strangers touching my baby

    Now, I know – babies are irresistible to most of us.  It’s part of their survival schtick – you may be running from that saber toothed tiger, but of course you’re not going to leave this adorable little bundle behind.  They cry out (literally) to be held, stroked and fawned over.  But there are no saber toothed tigers kicking about the high street and a baby in a pram is in no immediate danger…so why do so many randoms feel the need to shove their dirty paws near my kid?  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be prodded by a grubby finger when I was dozing…
    I remember being at a craft sale once, and one of the vendors was selling little signs for prams. A lot of them were cutesy, pukey “princess on board” type things, but one caught my eye – “please don’t touch the baby.”  I’m not sure how I feel about that, it seemed a bit presumptive and aggressive for wee timid me.  But this time around I’m tempted to just keep the insect net over the pram, or hang a alcohol gel bottle in a prominent place as the world’s most ugly pram ornament, just to make my position clear.  Maybe some barbed wire too.

  • Parent and child parking spaces

    Or more specifically, the selfish bastards who use them when they don’t have kids. Or those who use them when their kid is old enough to get in and out the car unaided – if your son has started to shave, you don’t need that space.
    Now, I need to tread carefully here as my rage could bring on labour (and I can’t go into labour today because I’ve promised the four year old we’ll make scones. Don’t judge, at least it’s a change from biscuits).  But my god, just how lazy do you have to be to use a parent and child space when other spaces are literally 20 yards away?  And before some child-free troll jumps on that and thinks they’re smart by flipping it and asking me why don’t I just park in the spaces 20 yards away myself – *newsflash* the point of parent and child spaces is not just that they’re closer to the shop door.  For your fat arse, this may be the perk.  But for parents the perk is  s a f e t y .   I would happily use a parent and child space that was actually further away from the shop, if it meant that sloths who park without a thought for anyone else stayed well away.
    See how they’re wider than a usual space?  That is the crucial part – when you’re putting a car seat in a car or wrestling a toddler into their seat belt you need to fling those doors wide open.  I remember a few times when my youngest was little having to leave the pram unattended at the side of the road because I had to move my car out of a regular space before I could open the door wide enough to put the car seat in.  That’s dangerous, but when you’re on your own and some white van is sitting in the last parent and child space you literally have no choice.

  • Public baby change facilities

    Oh god…you can really tell an establishment by the state of its baby change facilities. And I don’t mean just whether they have them or not, or even the placement of them (right by the hand dryer? Really?).  I mean how often they’re cleaned.  And most places, I’d guess never. I carry antibacterial wipes with me everywhere when I have a baby, and more times than I can count I’ve dry heaved at the colour of the wipe after I’ve given the change unit a clean before setting down my mat.
    And who knew other parents were such skanky shit-smearers?  We all know about those nappies, the ones that make you just want to throw everything in the bin, baby included, because the prospect of cleaning your way through that mess is just too awful.  But guess what?  That doesn’t mean you make the best of it and then leave the carnage behind for the next poor parent to lay their kid in.  Just as I clean the unit before I use it, I also clean it afterwards…just in case of rogue poo crumbs.

  • Public high chairs

    Speaking of the minging hygiene levels of establishments and fellow parents, why don’t we roll out the communal high chair?  With it’s crusty deposits and suspiciously gunky straps, or if you’re really lucky the entire remains of whatever crap the last inhabitant was eating playing with, my antibac wipes earn their keep on these babies.  I know a bit of dirt is good for the immune system, but I don’t think e coli is in the acceptable germs list…

  • Life getting in the way

    All the above rants have something in common.  They involve leaving the house.  And that is what I hate most about having a baby, particularly a newborn – life getting in the way when all you want to do is sit on the sofa and gaze at your little miracle.  Who wants to deal with other people, their selfish parking or grotty habits when in your arms is the whole world?

 

And on that last thought, the steam has stopped shooting from my ears and I’m brought back to what this is all about.  Because as much as there is a whole heap of crap to wade through when trying to raise a kid, it all pales into insignificance against a backdrop of snuggles, first smiles and that baby smell.

But seriously people…at least clean the change facilities after yourselves.

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25 Comments

  1. I hate eating out with Monkey, I don’t think I paid that much attention before we had kids but watching waiting staff clean a table down with a rag that looks like it was run over by a wheelie bin makes me feel like sweeping my family right out of their seats and marching out of the restaurant!
    Anthony – Dada & Monkey recently posted…#DMPhotoChallenge | My FirstMy Profile

  2. Yes yes and yes! I don’t get the people in the parent and child parking!! It really gets on my nerves – I see people saying ‘we didn’t have it in my day’ and think whoopdedoo, we’re much safer nowadays, how is that a bad thing!? #coolmumclub

  3. I can’t abide strangers touching other peoples babies – I don’t get it! Also, I agree about public highchairs – always concerns me how clean they really are. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  4. Oh the memories of the stranger wandering hands thing! There are some right ball aches about having a baby – as we are just potty training my youngest, my thing would be leaving the house with ten tonnes of crap. I long for the day we can just skip out of the door without enough supplies to keep us going for three weeks!
    Brilliant article – hope you aren’t waiting much longer 😉
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

  5. I had a meltdown in Tesco car park when I was a week overdue with number three & had to park in a normal space, squeeze out, squeeze BB & Little B out & walk from the far end of the car park to the store. I encountered a couple with no kids getting back in their car in the parent & child spaces – I think it’s fair to say they won’t park there again!! #coolmumclub
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…Kaya Jewellery competition winner!My Profile

  6. Oh I am so with you on all these points! The life getting in the way is a big one tough as all you want to do is treaure those moments whilst they are small as it goes too quickly. Pop a sign on the door ‘do not disturb’ and enjoy my lovely! #postsfromtheheart

  7. Oh yes to all those hates! I was changing my child next to the hand dryer last week!!! So annoying!! When it’s your first baby you can enjoy staying indoors all the time, but then when its your 2nd, 3rd and 4th thats it you have to traipse a newborn with you on the school run and to all sorts of places! xx #bigpinklink
    mums’ army recently posted…The general musings of my 40ish mindMy Profile

  8. I hate when the child parking is abused. It’s not taken seriously. Also restaurants would never give you a dirty table, so why give a baby there very own dirty high chair. I guess I wipe it anyway just in case botany obvious crust should be off. #AnythingGoes
    Mama Grace recently posted…Pleasure of PadstowMy Profile

  9. Yes yes yes to every single point. I could feel my blood boiling just reading about it. Thankfully my youngest is almost three and we no longer have to worry about highchairs and change mats. The parking one is still a nightmare though, we may not have a car seat we have to lift in and out like when you have a baby, but the seat she does have is impossible to get her in without the door fully open! Roll on a few more years when she can get herself in and out like her brother. I do miss that newborn baby smell though x
    #Bigpinklink

  10. Once when I was pregnant (no child yet) I parked in the mother-baby park… Does that count? I just couldn’t face waddling across the car park but I felt like I was committing a crime! Hope the scones were delicious! #Bigpinklink

  11. Yes, yes and yes! Changing facilities and high chairs can be really quite disgusting, I probably get over excited now when I come across ones that are spotless! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

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